Today is the Ritual of Purity.
The nervous thought circles in my head as I hurry towards the barn, gathering my cloak to ward off the cold. It's early morning, and the sun hasn't yet begun its climb above the snow-dusted trees encircling our small farmhouse. Shadows gather in the darkness, crowding the weak pool of light cast by my lamp. An ominous tingling builds under my skin. It's almost as if there's something there, at the edge of my vision...
It's just nerves, I tell myself. I've felt the tingling many times before and never once seen anything strange.
The barn door is open when I arrive, a lantern hung at the post. Father is already inside, spreading hay. He's a frail figure in the darkness, his tall body sunken into itself. Just three months ago, he was hearty and robust, his blond hair untouched by grey. Then the red pox came, sickening him and Mother. Now he's stooped and faded with the rheumy eyes and wispy hair of someone decades older.
"You're already awake," he says softly, grey eyes flitting over me.
"I couldn't sleep any longer," I reply, grabbing a milk pail and heading towards Norla, our largest cow.
I'm supposed to be resting in isolation, like all the other girls preparing for the Ritual, but there's too much work to do around the farm and not enough hands. There hasn't been since Mother died three months ago. The thought brings tears to my eyes, and I blink them away.
Father forks more hay into the stalls. "'Blessings to he who waketh to witness the glory of the Infinite Father'," he grunts, quoting from the Infinite Wisdoms. "So, are you prepared for today?"
I nod. "Yes, I am."
Later this afternoon, Elder Durkas will test me and all the other sixteen-year-old girls during the Ritual of Purity. Once we're proven pure, we'll officially belong here in the village. I'll finally be a woman - eligible to marry, have a family of my own.
The thought sends another wave of anxiety across my mind. I glance at Father from the corner of my eye. His body is tense; his movements are laboured. He's worried too. "I had a thought, Father," I begin. "What if...what if..." I stop there, the unfinished question lingering heavily in the air. An unspeakable dread, unfurling in the gloom of the barn.
Father gives me what he thinks is a reassuring smile, but the edges of his mouth are tight. "What if what?" he asks. "You can tell me, Deka."
"What if my blood doesn't run pure?" I whisper, the horrible words rushing out of me. "What if I'm taken away by the priests - banished?"
I have nightmares about it, terrors that merge with my other dreams; the ones where I'm in a dark ocean, Mother's voice calling out to me.
"Is that what you're worried about?"
I nod.
Even though it's rare, everyone knows of someone's sister or relative who was found to be impure. The last time it happened in Irfut was decades ago - to one of Father's cousins. The villagers still whisper about the day she was dragged away by the priests, never to be seen again. Father's family has been shadowed by it ever since.
That's why they're always acting so holy - always the first in temple, my aunts masked so absolutely, even their mouths are hidden from view. The Infinite Wisdoms cautions, "Only the impure, blaspheming, and unchaste woman remains revealed under the eyes of Oyomo," but this warning refers to the top half of the face: forehead to the tip of the nose.
