Birth

Umi gave birth to me

at home

She has a video

and every birthday

she makes me watch

When I was little

I would run away

Umi would laugh and say

Come here, boy

You gotta remember

where you came from!

She'd chase me around

that small apartment

and I'd cover my eyes and

pretend to be gagging8

That's nasty, Mama, I'd say

That's life, Amal

You have to respect it

she'd say

Umi was in this inflatable pool

in the middle of our living room

with the midwife next to her

My father was holding the camera

She was taking deep fire breaths

eyes closed tight not even screaming

almost praying

Then the midwife plunged

both her hands into the pool

And then

there I was rising out of water

Squirming little brown thing

barely crying

big eyes wide

as if I'd already done this before

as if I'd already been here before

Umi says

I was born with an

old, old soul

Old Soul

The thing about being born

with an old soul

is that

an old soul can't tell you

all the things you weren't supposed to do

all the things that went wrong

all the things that will make it right again

The thing about having an old soul

is that

no one can see that it's there

hunched over with wrinkly brown skin

thick gray hair, deep cloudy eyes

that have already seen the past, present, and future

all balled up into a small universe

right here, right now

in this courtroom

Courtroom

I know the courtroom ain't

the set of a music video, ain't

Coachella or the BET Awards, ain't

MTV, VH1, or the Grammys

But still

there's an audience

of fans, experts, and judges

Eyes watching through filtered screens

seeing every lie, reading every made-up word

like a black hoodie counts as a mask

like some shit I do with my fingers

counts as gang signs

like a few fights counts as uncontrollable rage

like failing three classes

counts as being dumb as fuck

like everything that I am, that I've ever been

counts as being

guilty

Character Witness

We're in the courtroom

to hear the jury's verdict

after only a few hours of

deliberation

and Ms. Rinaldi, my art teacher

was a character witness

It was the first time

she saw me

in a suit and tie

like the one I was supposed to wear

to the art opening at the museum

Or the one I was supposed to wear

to my first solo show in the school's gym

The suit I was supposed to wear

to prom, to my cousin's graduation

to mosque with Umi

is the suit I wear to my first trial